Stressed and Anxious
Is Love Enough to Save You from Divorce?
Sometimes divorce might look like the only solution for a bleak marriage but if there are still feelings there, it is never too late. If you still love your partner, the rest can be worked on. Perhaps love for one another is the only thing you feel you still have in common. Maybe you cannot talk without arguing or fighting. Maybe you feel you partner has been neglecting you for years and will never change. Maybe you have not been sexually intimate for a long time and this will never get better.
The fact remains that you still love one another, even with all of these other problems and issues. It helps to think about what your relationship was like before it started becoming problematic. It was obviously far better, else you never would have got married. There are exceptions, of course, such as marrying because of an accidental pregnancy, even though you didn't know each other well enough, but usually a couple who were happy once can find this happiness again. They just have to know where to look and what to do.
If communication seems to have broken down, a marriage counselor might be the one to help you find it again. Very often, when a couple is having serious marital problems, they stop communicating, or their communication is limited to fights and verbal abuse. Having a third party present, who knows what to ask and will set the couple goals, can be very helpful. It does not always save the marriage but is worth a try if nothing else seems to be successful. Intimacy problems, less sexual activity or lack of variety can be causes of a dysfunctional relationship. A trial separation might work too (or it might backfire). If you find it impossible to live together and separate, you might find it even worse to live without one another and miss each other enough to give it another go. If your marriage has hit the rocks, getting as far away from your partner is probably something that sounds appealing but this is simply a case of running away from your problems rather than tackling them head on and trying to find a solution. You need to realize that men and women are fundamentally different and even perceive words a different way and express their emotions differently. Women tend to talk about emotions, and show them, more than men, but that doesn't mean men don't feel them as strongly.
A woman might demonstrate her love for her husband by cooking, cleaning and raising the children. A man might show his by working hard to earn enough to maintain nice house for his family, and then wanting to spend time with his wife in the evenings. He might be surprised when the woman doesn't want to sit with him on the couch to relax, or says she is too busy with the children, and take this as a rejection rather than the fact she is genuinely busy. This is where compromise is needed. He can help her with the children so they are bathed and in bed more quickly, then they will have some time on the couch, enjoying each other's company. This is just an example but if he said and did nothing, he would feel resentful and she would wonder why he was in a bad mood. This would lead to resentment with the only reason being inadequate communication. The main thing is this – if you love one another, divorce can be avoided. Communication and mutual respect are paramount and if you actively strive for a better relationship, your marriage has a great chance to be successful.
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