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Women and Divorce

By Janine A. Barbera Esq. of Law Offices of Barbera & McElhone P. - Miller Place, NY It has been said that Divorce is worse than Death. Death of a spouse is a painful wound that begins to heal after the funeral.

A Divorce however, will take months or years to reach closure. Eventually these wounds will heal as well but the mourning period of the death of a marriage can linger on for many years thereafter. Why is divorce different for women? Whether it was she or her spouse that initiated it, guilt will be a woman’s initial emotion. Our traditional role as keeper of the household will force her to question everything she did or didn’t do in the marriage and tend to blame herself for the failure of the relationship. The next emotion she will face is anger.

Women tend to get angry only after they have finished feeling guilty. A woman’s anger must be used constructively therefore; a counselor or trained psychologist is often the best person to consult with prior to or in conjunction with obtaining an attorney. Continuing in their role as caregiver women will consider what is best for the children before she will think of what is best for her. In seeking out the best interests of her children, women think as mothers first and women second. Therefore it is imperative that women seeking divorce hire an advocate who understands her duel needs and looks out for all of her interests as woman and mother. Divorce is a painful process but it must be remembered that it is also part of the game of life. All players have roles and perceptions are everything. A good attorney will be able to advise her client as to how the game is played and what she needs to do to insure a favorable outcome. A good attorney is an excellent negotiator and a strong advocate for her client. Good attorneys do not make their living litigating every case, but succeed instead by bringing cases to fair conclusions as expeditiously as possible.

In choosing an attorney a woman must feel completely comfortable with the attorney. She must have a sense of simpatico that cannot always be put in words and most importantly feel complete trust. The outcome of a divorce is usually a life-altering event. The agreement reached will rule for years and in the event there are children continue to bind the couple for many years thereafter. Interviewing potential attorneys is an important first step in the process. A good attorney will not shy away from tough questions nor will they guarantee success. As with all important decisions check the appropriate agencies such as the local Bar Association, and question the attorney about his or her accessibility. Finally make sure the attorney you are hiring is the attorney you will see in court. Many larger firms have associates who handle the case after the retainer is paid to the name partner. Ask to meet any attorney who may handle your case.

The Law Offices of Barbera & McElhone, P. handles Divorce and Family Law cases. Janine A. Barbera is an experience matrimonial attorney who will handle your case from the initial intake to its ultimate conclusion. www.divorcelawli.com.


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